Oh how things have changed. Well, they've kind of changed? I'm in the same situation I was in a year ago (roughly). Its hard not to beat myself up about it when I never see the wool being pulled over my eyes.
I think that some people are not meant to be monogamous. And that "forever" is an irrational expectation in relationships. Very few people ever really have that forever love that we often hear & dream about. What am I going on about? My husbands inability to be happy with me.. and just me. He hasn't physically cheated on me (that I know of). But in a way, I wish he had. It would be easier to walk away than to continually want to give him another shot.
Maybe I'm weird to expect monogamy? Loyalty? Who knows. I guess I'm old fashioned. I don't want him flirting and chatting with other women (or should I say girls). Nor do I want him telling them that we've been broken up for a month, but that he's finally starting to think about moving on. In a way, it makes me angry, that he had to join a dating site for the attention he needed. And maybe I'm overreacting, but this keeps happening. Regardless of how much I do for him, or how much I try to show him that I care. I feel like maybe its a means to an end.
I don't want to be 23 and divorced. I don't want to have to move back to that rinky dink city.. end up going to college online to become something I don't even want to be. But I honestly don't know how much better the alternative would be. Staying here.. with him.. never knowing whether or not he's being loyal. I think it would drive me crazy. And the fact that it keeps happening has already worsened my low self confidence. Something has to be wrong with me.. for him to never be happy.
Blah, I'm ranting circles around myself. Needless to say, I'm emotional right now. Frantically trying to explore all my options before I make any important decisions. Hopefully I get this all figured out.
I'm so sorry that this is all happening to you. And I honestly don't think you're weird for wanting monogamy. I think it's perfectly natural to want it. And as for the rest of it, maybe you should do things for you, and not for him. You know what I mean? You can't put another person's wants over your own. It's not healthy and if it all doesn't work out then at least u can say you did the best you could.
ReplyDeleteI may not be the best person to take advice from, but if you ever wanna talk, i'm always on fb.