Anger

Today I am simply angry. I am angry that I'm stuck in this cage. I am angry that I don't have the strength to break out of my shell. I am angry that my husband cares more about beer and television than he cares about my needs. I am angry at myself for always putting him first.. because I am truly neglecting myself; my body, my emotional needs, and my maternal needs. I hate that I feel guilty every day of my life because my husband supports me financially. I miss my job, my family, my friends, my hobbies, my life. I have nothing in common with the former Brittany, even though I was becoming a better person- a person that for ONCE in my life, I was happy with. Sure, I lived with my mother.. but other than sharing a roof and a few bills, I lived my life separate from hers. I had more independence, more confidence.. more love for my life. I do not regret moving here with my husband.. I regret changing. I wish I had not become so anxious and depressed again. The fear I have for the outside world astonishes me. But I feel that I have no control over it. I'm angry that I changed my life so that it was convenient for him. It was not his fault, he never asked me to do this, but still I feel this immense resentment towards him for what my life has become. I am angry with myself..

Just an update..

Just popping in to say sorry for all the changes & no posts. Life has been... less than ideal lately. I'm still trying to piece together a couple of entries, but my mind seems to be elsewhere. I'll explain soon! For now.. I have a pulled muscle to tend to. (Hot bath, here I come!)