Post 3 ½

For whatever reason, I've still not had the time to put together my next post. So this is a post...between posts? I don't know, another will follow tomorrow. I promise.


In the mean time, here's a picture of Kail. :P Enjoy the cuteness!

Fly away..

 

 To fly away, oh how lovely it would be...

I've been putting off writing this entry. For no reason other than I really don't know where to begin. So, I'm just going to start typing.. and I guess we'll see what comes out. ;)

Life has been hectic lately, very hectic. My husband was involved in a pretty serious accident at work. He was burnt pretty badly. So now we have to attend physical therapy about 4 - 6 times each week. (I'll include more details of this past hectic week in the next post) Aside from that, I've really had to step up and help him with things. I don't mind, I really don't. But I'm neglecting myself a little bit in the midst of all of this. I've become somewhat of a couch potato in my free time. I don't like this, and try daily to change. It just seems like I can never get a good start to any day. I never sleep long enough, thus I never feel like making breakfast or working out. Or if I do eat breakfast, its fast and easy. I have to change this for both of us. We've both put on a bit of weight dur to this lifestyle of convenience and attempted comfort. Hopefully things will get back to normal once his burns heal (which could take a little while. The doctor in the ER & the physical therapist told us that the burns were second and third degree. And also that we may have to go to Dallas before all this is over with).

I'm trying to keep my spirits high, but I've felt myself slipping into a depression for months now. I feel like I can't really say anything about it to my husband though.. he tends to blame himself when I'm unhappy. But it isn't his fault at all. I wish I could make him understand that. It would be nice if I had a shoulder to lean on and help support me through this, instead of someone simply beating themselves up. I'm happy with him, happier than I could ever be with someone. This depression.. just is. I've struggled with severe depression since I was a young teenager. I feel trapped in my body. My mind is active, always moving from one thought to the other. Few of them pleasant, most are thoughts of dread and anxiety about everything that's going on. I simply do not know how to escape it. I want to get up, get outside, feel the sun on my skin and the sweat that comes along with a nice jog. I cannot. I walk outside and immediately I feel anxious. I hate it when people look at me. I don't have the energy to look (what I consider) presentable to people..

All in all, I have a lot of work to do. And a lot more to write about. But I'm going to try and get a little sleep. Tomorrow could be better.. 

Bitter sweet

Today has been a day that has enlightened, yet irritated me at the same time. I walked outside in the rain this morning. The tiny wildflowers are starting to poke up from the ground. I look at them & smile. It reminds me that the most beautiful things in the world are often the most over looked.

Now, for the bitter..

I have felt more frustrated today than I have in a very very long time. A combination of low energy & a dirty apartment drove me mad. Its still dirty, mostly disorganized. I have asked my husband several times to help me clean the kitchen or help me organize. But if I don't constantly nag him, it is never done. Right now I have subjected him to a little experiment- I asked him a week ago to take out the trash that's piled up on the back patio. I'm not going to remind him more than once a day that he promised to do so. Should we make bets on how long it takes him to do so? I think he thinks that if I forget about it, or don't notice it.. he doesn't have to do it. He does this with several things. I am not mad, simply frustrated because of my fatigue. I' m hoping tomorrow I can get the apartment in better shape & organize the bill book. :/

There are so many things I would like to be doing tonight.. sleeping would be my first option. Being a human alarm clock is starting to wear me down.

My ultimate goal is to rearrange my schedule: (am)

• 5:00 wake up, get hubby up, 30 minute jog/walk with Kail. (Elliptical if the weather doesn't permit a jog)
• 5:30 Breakfast for both of us & prepare hubby's lunch.
• 6:00 Shower
• 6:30 Yoga, some stretching and something nice to read.

Is that too much to ask for? ;)

Wah waaah.

This first entry is going to suck.
BUT, I might as well actually post a first entry I guess.

I'm tired. Its 4:46 am and I am beyond tired. I didn't sleep well last night either. There's been so much on my mind. Combine all these ridiculous thoughts with my career as the human alarm clock for my husband.. yep, recipe for one sleepy mama. On top of that, I keep getting these strange headaches accompanied with a few minutes of dizziness & then nausea. But its not a migraine. I've had those before, this is completely different. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with my quest to eat healthier. I can't help but feel like I'm not getting all the nutrients I need. I'm missing some things.. iron, mostly. I'm wondering if that could cause such problems.*googles*

Google says I have anemia. I could believe this. I've not worked out in weeks. I feel to tired, too weak to push myself into doing certain activities. Hmmph, I need to remember my leafy greens and my Centrum.

I think I'll try to sleep soon. I want to accomplish things today. Maybe start organizing the apartment, putting together an array of photos for all my frames, maybe get some cleaning done. And maybe blog about important things.. lol. There's been so much on my mind lately, I just haven't had the energy to really write it down or talk to anyone about it. Perhaps later today..

See link to Livejournal for more. <3