Getting back on the wagon.

This post may turn out to be a little long, but that won't be my intent. I just have so much on my mind. I was going to type "going on" in place of "on my mind". However, nothing ever happens in my life. The most eventful things that have happened this week.. were talking Greg into going in Hobby Lobby with me & Kail trying to attack a man with a noisy wheelbarrow. -sigh-

I've been trying to evaluate my life.
I feel the need to do this every once in a while, as over time I tend to get off track. But, I don't know what happened this time. In my attempt to make my husband happy, I do believe I've given in a little too much. Not to mention that I have become a house wife. -GASP- Not something I ever pictured for myself. I have no life outside these walls & away from this screen. I've always had anxiety, I really dislike trying to go out and do things on my own, at least the first time. I've told Greg this... I don't know how many times. I don't think I ask for very much.. occasionally a  toy for Kail, some meds and a new outfit (once since we've been together). Truthfully, I don't want material things. I mean, sure.. eventually I'd like to decorate our apartment, but more than anything.. I just want him to come outside with me. The best times I've had with him, has been on random little outings. Walks at the park, paddle boating, walking Kail, etc. Not only are these things very enjoyable and relaxing for me, but we seem to argue less.. and I get less fat.

That brings me to my next point.
After SO much success at my first go at veganism, I'm disappointed in myself. I've gained weight since moving to Texas. My diet went from mostly raw veggies, fruits, greens, organic staples, sugars and breads.. to mostly fast and easy foods. Fries, microwave veggie burgers, no vitamins, etc. I hate to admit it, but I even fell off the vegan wagon when our money got low. It was my diet or his... My husband tried to go vegan for only a few days last week, and he was absolutely miserable. I tried, and tried, and tried to make him food he'd like. Vegetable soup was really the only thing I got anywhere with. So, he went back to eating meat. Which means, I have to prepare and cook it. I HATE it. Being around the flesh & dead carcasses. I want to tell him.. either eat what I'm eating, or fix it yourself. But, I'd feel guilty. But the guilt of preparing their bodies makes me feel even more guilty. So, I have to change this. I know it will get me back on track. I want to get back to where I was. A healthier, more beautiful person from the inside out...