Heavy mind, heavier eyelids.

Okay,
I lied. I didn't post like I promised to. But in my defense, the past two days have been.. hectic. 

my lovely wildflowers have really taken off! :)

 

This past week-
As I began telling you before, Greg (my husband) 's accident made things.. well, less than normal around here. After getting badly burnt at work, we were told he had to keep going back to the Wound Care part of the hospital everyday to have it cleaned, bandaged and so that they could track the progress he was making. The problem.. the EXACT same day that he gets burnt, our car breaks down. It always breaks down when I drive it. The last time I ended up on the side of a country road until about four in the morning, with a passed out drunken Greg in the passenger seat. Anyways, our car broke down. He's pretty messed up on the pain medicine they gave him, so its up to me (Mrs Cracks Under Pressure) to figure out how we're going to get from our apartment to Wound Care every day. Hmm.. I decide that its probably easiest just to call a cab. $20 a day round trip each day. We have no money coming in, and a dwindling stack of twenties. Needless to say, it was a rough 2 weeks.

Things are finally looking up. Today (March 31rst) he went back to work for the first time since the accident. He seemed to do okay, from what he told me. A few weeks on restricted duty, and I think things will be back to normal. In the mean time, I'm learning that I'm not as good of a nurse as I had hoped I'd be.. lol.

In other news,
A lot has been on my mind lately. My best friend (TJ we'll call her, since I've not asked for consent to include her name) recently split from her long time boyfriend. This is bad because.

• I feel bad. I want to be there for her, physically. I know it helps me when I have a shoulder to cry on and a friend to take me out and cheer me up.
• I feel conflicted. They've split up for the exact reason that Greg and I almost split.

The only difference, is that I was able to fake a smile and try to move past this. I forgave him. But as we all know, forgiving is a bit easier (at least I think so) than forgetting. I can't seem to forget what happened. I'm overly anxious when he leaves for work, when he stays up later than me, when he's on his phone more than usual. I'm a paranoid mess. I don't want history to repeat itself. But- I keep wondering if I did the right thing at all. I love him , I really do. But there's a big part of me that just wanted to walk away. Trust is so hard to build back, and I've always had a hard time trusting people anyways. (Which I'll explain later). Am I stronger or weaker than I should be? Should I have walked away? Or did I do the right thing? I don't know right now. I guess I'm going to see if things keep going well.

I'm going to write a little more tomorrow (no promises).
Right now I'm going to catch an old episode of SVU & then get Greg's lunch ready for tomorrow.

<3 Brittany