Fly away..

 

 To fly away, oh how lovely it would be...

I've been putting off writing this entry. For no reason other than I really don't know where to begin. So, I'm just going to start typing.. and I guess we'll see what comes out. ;)

Life has been hectic lately, very hectic. My husband was involved in a pretty serious accident at work. He was burnt pretty badly. So now we have to attend physical therapy about 4 - 6 times each week. (I'll include more details of this past hectic week in the next post) Aside from that, I've really had to step up and help him with things. I don't mind, I really don't. But I'm neglecting myself a little bit in the midst of all of this. I've become somewhat of a couch potato in my free time. I don't like this, and try daily to change. It just seems like I can never get a good start to any day. I never sleep long enough, thus I never feel like making breakfast or working out. Or if I do eat breakfast, its fast and easy. I have to change this for both of us. We've both put on a bit of weight dur to this lifestyle of convenience and attempted comfort. Hopefully things will get back to normal once his burns heal (which could take a little while. The doctor in the ER & the physical therapist told us that the burns were second and third degree. And also that we may have to go to Dallas before all this is over with).

I'm trying to keep my spirits high, but I've felt myself slipping into a depression for months now. I feel like I can't really say anything about it to my husband though.. he tends to blame himself when I'm unhappy. But it isn't his fault at all. I wish I could make him understand that. It would be nice if I had a shoulder to lean on and help support me through this, instead of someone simply beating themselves up. I'm happy with him, happier than I could ever be with someone. This depression.. just is. I've struggled with severe depression since I was a young teenager. I feel trapped in my body. My mind is active, always moving from one thought to the other. Few of them pleasant, most are thoughts of dread and anxiety about everything that's going on. I simply do not know how to escape it. I want to get up, get outside, feel the sun on my skin and the sweat that comes along with a nice jog. I cannot. I walk outside and immediately I feel anxious. I hate it when people look at me. I don't have the energy to look (what I consider) presentable to people..

All in all, I have a lot of work to do. And a lot more to write about. But I'm going to try and get a little sleep. Tomorrow could be better..